Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Last Words

Mario goes to work at around 2, and Franco and Daniel are at college, so I get myself to myself for a large part of the day. There are lots of advantages to alone time. You can sing really loudly, set new standards for minimal clothing, play music and movies at top volume, boobytrap the place for when the roommates get home, cry for hours about how life is misery mounted on misery and how nobody ever does what I frickin' tell them to, etc. It's a variety pack, and I'm taking full advantage.

Friday Franco's holding a party at our place - I was told there will be alcohol, Kool-Aid, chicken, and watermelon, because the birthday girl is black. What better birthday present than a racist joke, eh?

Dava's (the Living Incarnation) techies finally responded to my dad's emails. Actually they responded on August 28th, but Yahoo Mail shooed the Divine Email right into the spam folder. Needless to say Yahoo Mail is going straight to hell. Anyway, this means my parents are now going to be devoting lots of their time to the Way of Freedom as Dava calls it. On one hand this could be a problem, because I'm kind of counting on them to make some money so that I don't have to. On the other hand, maybe my inheritance just got one hell of a lot bigger. Having Gods as parents could open some doors...or get me tortured and crucified, can't remember which. Hmm...I guess I'll have to do some risk assessment.

It's kind of strange to be sitting here, calmly writing hilarity, while Hurricane Ike is flying straight at me with what I doubt are the best intentions. As of now I have about 48 hours before Ike's elemental fury unleashes itself on the half-evacuated city of Houston. If this were a movie I would be spinning sentimental confession pieces over the phone to my friends and family, doubting my sexual preferences, and generally being a pathetic wreck. Fortunately I'm really hungry and all I can think of is that tuna that's sitting in the fridge. Mmm...tuna...

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Blog Entry 468

We moved into our apartment a week or so ago...technically. Daniel and Franco signed the lease and danced right in, while Mario and I stalled for a couple days, maximizing our abuse of his aunt and uncle's hospitality. For three or four days we'd make weak attempts to move, but the reasons to stay were numerous and just a fridge door away. We pretty much had no choice.

Yesterday I successfully made an ass out of myself trying to set up wireless Internet. I walked to Target (more than a mile away!) and bought one of those Cable/DSL routers. When I got home I threw four years of irrelevant MIT knowledge at the thing to try to get it to show me my mail. I eventually gave up and summoned the help of a real king among nerds - Gene, who by some freak coincidence happens to be my dad. Five minutes of teamwork later we deduced that the router wasn't actually a wireless router at all - it was just a bunch of Ethernet jacks held together by a "Cable/DSL Router" sticker. It was back to the store for me. Who would have thought that in 2008, when even plants are online (the sub-bark temperature of the 56-year old oak outside my window is a pleasant 76 degrees), non-wireless routers are still polluting the shelves of our stores.

We decided to try out Angel Food Ministries - this company that sells you packages of food at relatively cheap prices. The company cooperates with churches in different areas to handle the dissemination of Angel Food packages - yet another activity of the Christian franchise. Our church bears the innuendo-soaked moniker - "Love in Action Church." I'm expecting at least nuns in playboy bunny costumes. At best, I'll soon be a newly converted Christian. Anyway, starting on the 27th, I should be comfortably eating on $50 a month. I will update as to the success of this experiment immediately upon survival.

I've been having weird and unusually violent dreams lately. Not yet sure what they mean. The other day I dreamed about some psycho killer who I couldn't convince in time not to shoot Chun right in the throat. This is an obvious hint for me to work on my debating skills. The next part is harder to qualify. Chun made a miraculous recovery and the guy went on trial. However, to make sure his sentence was fair, he was a member of the jury presiding over his own case. In the dream, this frustrated me to no end, because he was obviously just going to walk. Anyway, I finally got him back by waking up. Now he's worse than dead - he's back to "never even existed."