The feminism / cheeseburger correlation

I think I might be going to hell. I'm getting a C on a 30-day trial and I don't think Jesus would accept a mere confession or 3 "Hail 30 day trials" as penance. Today we made the decision to sacrifice a piece of our no-sugar trial to the devil. In exchange for the ability to eat one sweet a day (you get 10 consecutive minutes to eat it, then you turn into a pumpkin), we've signed up for an extra 30 day trial. Yuan Yuan will do 10 minutes worth of planks / wall sits / handstands, and I will do 5 minutes of wall sits / horse stance. Why do I get away with 5 minutes while she has to do 10? You see, in China we have this wonderful thing called gender inequality. It's a time honored tradition. Back when America was young and still on track, before the great invention (the cheeseburger) vanguarded the Renaissance of our midsections and set our national inertia so high, that at the enormous speed we had amassed, we flew right off the serpentine tracks of the Transtranscendental railroad, before all that apple-bottomed glory, men ruled the world and women sat at home tending to the children and waiting for Jane Austen to come along so there would be some proper motive for learning to read. And God saw that it was good and rewarded us with Amendments to the Constitution and feminists. That's called divine irony, because there's nothing God loves more than to throw everyone completely off balance with the introduction of balance. Meanwhile, China hasn't even gotten to the cheese part of cheeseburger, so their women aren't going to be voting any time soon. What I mean is that it was Yuan Yuan's idea, was it my fault I snatched up the opportunity when the first 5 minutes of my wall-sits came out of her mouth and didn't wait for the next 5?

Getting sidetracked aside, this might end up being harder than not eating sweets at all. I've already stifled most of my urges, and though I can't eat 99% of the edibles in any store on the planet, I've accepted my fate and hung my head and set up a little tent in the eggs and produce aisle of life. Finding myself in this new permissive world, I'm bound to be completely miserable, where before I was only hopeless. Now when I go to the store I have to wander around the mountains of sticky treasures and pick one thing to sate my mutinous appetite. It's Sophie's choice all over again.

Home Schooling

I started this book today that's supposed to teach me jazz guitar technique in 20 weeks - rougly 4-5 months. The stated practice regimen was a meager 50 minutes/day so I thought "why not?" Nuh uh. The right answer was "yeah, right! (accompanied by a sarcastic cocking of the left eyebrow)."

Unfortunately this 50 minutes/day claim was another case of false advertising. If you can complete the daily assignments in this book in 50 minutes, you are way beyond needing the book in the first place. No matter. I'm not letting some stupid book, that's not even a real book (it's a pdf), beat me in one sitting. I will give up tomorrow at the earliest.

Came across a couple of funny quotes while surfing GNX3 forums:

"Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it." – Brian W. Kernighan

and

"Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows." - Unknown Smartass

Today, I made the true claim that there are more good actors and actresses. Unfortunately, I not only made it, but voiced it. I was in the car by myself, miles from home, thinking I was safe. No sooner than I uttered the fateful words "women suck," Mom materialized and began exercising her Constitutional right to feminism. I was treated to an interminable lecture on Women in Film starting with 1903's The Great Train Robbery.

Dad is calling me to do pushups. I've been obliging him lately. I hope this is what they mean when they say you should give back to your parents for all those years and dollars they spent raising you and teaching you to be grateful.