New Song

Introduced my parents to Malcolm in the Middle yesterday. They exhibited a common hypocrisy: while watching, they laughed themselves stupid, but when I asked them later what they thought of it, the biggest compliment they could muster was "I don't get it." Well, there's a good cure for "I don't get it," and that's "do it till you get it," so if they're thinking they're getting out of seasons 2-7, they're going to have to rethink their strategy.

Started a new song today, on commission from Mario. The requested topic was "how to discipline your children." Leaving the punch to the chorus, so far I have:

Verse 1

When you say Bobby, rub my feet,
or I've had a long day
make me something to eat,
you should only see obedience
don't put up with any less

Verse 2

When you say sweetie, I'm feeling kind of tired,
go and do my work
so I don't get fired
you should only see obedience
don't put up with any less

Pre-Chorus

But if the little ingrate doesn't run and obey
if he starts to whine and begs to go out and play
then you know it's time for discipline
then you know it's time to give him some...

I have a rough idea for up to but not including the pre-chorus. Here's the midi: Disciplining Freeloaders

The vocals begin 8 or 9 measures in, just match the dominant voice to the lyrics. It's nothing spectacular at the moment, I'll have to juice it up.

I left Boston yesterday, and in the emotional hurricane that surrounded the event, Chun let some truth slip through her usual compulsive lying. Her email to me yesterday had a great line, which I reproduce here with her permission: I have so little time to squeeze all the fun out of you. Now that's honesty in a relationship. I finally understand why I have intuitively been keeping so few friends. With more than a couple of people constantly squeezing me, I wouldn't stand a chance. It also now makes sense why I eat so much but remain skinny and beautiful - that's a tip for you fatties out there - hug yourselves and lose some weight.

Ouch

Chun and I had a revealing conversation today, while necking half-way through The Importance of Being Earnest. I was feeling good about myself, Chun having just unleashed thousands of calories worth of honey onto my Winnie-the-Pooh ego. I was feeling invincible. Then the conversation took an unexpected U-turn:

Chun: I'll always be here to boost your ego.
Mark: You should throw some curveballs now and then, keep me on my toes. (What was I thinking??)
Chun: OK! What should I say? How about...you're ugly...or...you suck at guitar. Hmm...no I better not, I'm afraid I'll hit too close to home.

Read that last sentence again. OUCH! In other words: "you want honesty? Alright. You're a worthless Quasimodo."

The Importance of Being Earnest taught a valuable lesson: never feel guilty. Lie to your friend, betray your brother, tattle, cheat, but never feel guilty. It was especially inspirational to me because I have so much to learn in this department, being of Jewish blood, and thus having 12 extra guiltophilic chromosomes.

Put in an excellent effort today in terms of watching TV. Saw two Malcolm in the Middle episodes I'd never seen before, and realized I can appreciate physical comedy. There was a scene this where Malcolm, Reese and Dewey are trying to frame Craig (the resident fatty) for running over Reese's leg and causing the huge welling that was actually obtained in an incident better kept secret from mothers. At the climax, Reese is pretending to be in pain, bleating unconvincingly "oww, my leg, oww oww." Dewey decides to help out and punches Reese (much more convincingly) right in the wound,transforming the pathetic bleating into authentic screams of pain. I must have laughed for two minutes straight, tears, stomach clutching, knee slapping and everything. People in pain, what could be funnier!