Going to Thailand to die

Mark gets out of bed, he trips over a strategically places shoe, he skids on a strategically placed bra, he spills into a split across two piles of strategically placed socks, he does an elbow freeze on a strategically placed thermos bottle, a head spin on a strategically placed kettle, a windmill around a strategically placed Macbook Pro and lands gracefully on a strategically placed chair. Crisis averted. Introducing the master of strategy...Yuan Yuan! And that is how you learn to be grateful for surviving each and every day, even if it's not always in one piece.


We're planning a 7-10 day trip to Thailand for mid-November, and since my parents aren't invited, I've started doing some research on where to go once we get to one of Thailand's airports (I've just learned that there is more than one and that Thailand and Bangkok are two slightly different things). Mostly "research" consists of looking at pretty pictures made in Photoshop of Koh This Beach and Phi That Resort (Koh = Phi = Photoshop in Thai), and saying "now if I only had a printer, I could print this picture out and just find it when I get there." But since I don't have a printer, I end up also researching How in addition to Where.

Some of the "directions" are completely useless. But some I can tell at first glance are going to be invaluable. Here's a diamond in the rough:

"[Going to Railay and Tonsai] From Ao Nang this is a very simple process. You talk to a boatman, identified by their numbered and coloured shirts..."

A most promising beginning that doesn't let you down:

"... who will tell you to buy a ticket from one of two booths on Ao Nang beach at 80B per person. When there are 8 people wishing to go you will be escorted to a longtail boat and captained around the dramatic limestone karst headland. You will arrive 15 minutes later, at Railay or Tonsai. If you are lucky, at high tide the boat arrives right on the beach, but if the tide is out then you will have to wade to the beach from 50 metres out. You will get at least your feet and calves, and possibly your bottom, wet."

Once you get past the style, you can see it for the information-rich nugget this is. Here's what I learned:

1. I'm going to have to review grade-school math and/or take an accountant with me.
2. I'm never getting to Ao Nang in a million years.
3. If I'm lucky and I do get to Ao Nang, my bottom will be wet when the tide brings my decomposing corpse to shore a few days and 15 minutes later.

Can't wait!