Expiration

I just realized I forgot to blog yesterday, for the hundredth and nth time in a row. On the one hand, that's a sweet 100 day No Blogging Trial in the bank, a story I can't wait to tell to my grandchildren (who will visit me from a parallel universe. The current plan is to not have any children, planned or unplanned). "One time I held it in for 100 days...100 DAYS! And you, your bladder exploded after a mere 10 hours!" On the other hand, a hundred opportunities for cheerful self-appreciation have been lost irrevocably. Every cloud has a cloud.

I got some dirt-cheap peanut butter today. I checked just in case and it wasn't dirt, though Mario would say it's as crunchy as dirt is. Apparently, Chinese people, with their uncanny intuition for bargaining and their boundless talent for ripping you off, don't know that peanut butter is like a visa: when it expires, you just slap a new label on it and it's good for another six months. And as this peanut butter probably came from overseas, it was probably made in the 1950s anyway and only made it here when they ran out of trees to make labels.

Anyway, it was delicious and I didn't vomit up much blood at all afterwards. I used the rest of the jar to rub on the sores that sprouted all over my body. Talk about multipurpose. And all for 3RMB a jar! 300RMB well spent.

I'm kind of a fanatic missionary when it comes to certain literature, movies and music. I've channeled so much various psychology into convincing people to read The Three Musketeers that it kind of amazes me when I see other books on shelves of bookstores. Maybe it's all the reverse psychology I've put into the task that's been canceling it out. Damn it! Now I understand why I haven't convinced a single person yet. I've failed miserably with my sister, my mom absolutely refused to read it again after the 63 time we read it aloud together and if my girlfriend were on a diet of books, she'd be long past rotting corpse. You'd need carbon dating to identify her period.

Currently she's nibbling at Twenty Years Past, but there's only a ten year warranty on the Kindle so she was doomed from the start. Thinking the fault may lie with the Chinese translation, I decided to take a peek. Happily and sadly, the fault lies completely with the reader; the translation is engaging, humorous and not disappointing at all.