Stay right where you are

Looks like Yuan Yuan's going to Korea again. She just got back two days ago from a luxury cruise tour there, where her responsibilities included holding onto her clients' passports and doing whatever the hell she wanted. Poor girl can't catch a break. This time she's flying, and it's a sight-seeing tour rather than a shopping tour (the 20 min sight-seeing / 2 hours shopping per site ratio is flipped). I don't see why people book tours at all, when they can just go by themselves or better yet, not at all. Which brings me to my second point. People should just stay where they are. What is the point of seeing places? The places would have to be pretty amazing to offset the annoyance of getting there, coming back, and dealing with housing and overeating issues (going somewhere else makes people think they should eat twice as much as usual). Until teleportation is invented, I'm going to sit tight and hang out in my room, which is already as amazing as a place can get.

I started A Mote in God's Eye today, while running errands. I feel like I'm being forced to get to know the characters before the interesting stuff starts happening. I don't like it. It better start cruising soon.

I finished The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman the other day. It was good, I felt completely immersed in the story. The characters were a tad stereotypical, but the world he created was quite magical. He used one of those cool literary devices that I like a lot in Strugatsky Brothers fiction, which they call "Refusal to Explain," where they don't even try to explain some of the bizarre things that happen. It's a bit of a wild card technique, but when used right it gives the reader this incredible itch that forces him/her to keep reading in hope of getting more clues to the mystery. All in all, quite an itchy book.

Instant mastery for sale

I asked Mario today how much he would pay to instantly become master of After Effects. Not THE master, but a decent master like Andrew Kramer, one of my more personal personal heroes. Mario started at $1k and I massaged him up to $5k with promises of future riches, but he wouldn't budge past that, despite the fiercest massaging. He finally shelled out $10k to become an instant badass actuary but that one was just a hypothetical scenario.

$5-10k seems like a miserly sum for even the most average greatness. I think I'd pay at least 10 times that amount. Now I just have to find someone to take my money. And then write them a check. The people in the Matrix didn't know how easy they had it. What the hell were they thinking going back to the real world to fight crime. They could have been After Effects masters!

Yesterday's discussion was much cheaper, but entertaining none the less. We were hypothesizing what would happen if everyone suddenly switched gender. How much chaos would erupt in Muslim countries? Would the next US president be a woman? Would I still be with Yuan Yuan and would I develop a taste for male? Would there be a frenzy of revenge rape? Would Mario get up and pour me some water like a good girl? Would there be no one in the streets the next day because they'd all be at home playing with themselves while shopping for shoes?

Obviously our research, and I don't hesitate to call it that because we used the scientific method and because it was inconclusive...was inconslusive. But mark my words, one day I'm going to give you a sex change and then you'll wish you thought about this sooner.

Guests

My cousin and grandma from Baltimore dropped by yesterday on short notice. My cousin is a business guru with grandma's thuggish good looks. We skipped the usual midnight movie showing, and talked in bed till 3 AM. He told me some wild stories about taxi drivers and hookers, and I reciprocated with my own wild tales of sitting on the couch in our lounge. He was so impressed, he passed right out, so I went to sleep as well. In the morning he was gone, but he'll be back for more stories. They always come back.

I've been breezing through The Time Traveler's Wife - an extremely easy and entertaining read. It is drawing near the end, and my magic 8-ball is growing increasingly pessimistic. The level of drama, nostalgia, sentimentality, and inevitability has gotten so high that my tear glands are begging for an interlude. I've been drinking a lot of Gatorade to replenish my fluids. The only thing that cheers me up is thinking about how hard Chun'll be crying when she's reading it. Other people's tears always provide for quality entertainment, and Chun also has excellent delivery. (Don't worry Chun, the fall of my reputation as a dry-eyed stoic will protect yours.)

Watched a sappy Russian movie from the 80's today, a close relative of my worst enemy - Les Parapluies de Cherbourg. Watch it (the French one) if you're ever feeling more than usually sadomasochistic. The Russian movie was entertaining in comparison, despite being a colossal bore.

Michelle has volunteered me for a set of pushups with dad. I miss my couch.