Family of Jerks

At last the no-water odyssey has come to an end. My poor teeth are crying bitter fear-drenched tears right now. If earlier I would eat some chocolate and then swish some water around in my mouth to not let the poor bastards (yes, the no-cursing marathon has ended as well) bathe for too long in evil glucose-infested waters, now I follow a chocolate binge with a tall glass of oversweetened tea or red supersaturated sugar water otherwise known as juice. And all without dental insurance! Who can say I don't live dangerously?

An interesting 30-day trial started today in my house. I'm not sure where the idea came from, but it's along the lines of a firm belief in this family - if you got offended - you're a jackass. So the 30-day trial is: "not getting frustrated/annoyed." Since this is not an easy task for such irascible people as myself and my parents (and myself again), we decided on a punishment in case of failure. Any time a person gets frustrated, they cannot watch a movie that night unless they manage to meditate away all of their frustration.

The trial immediately bore wonderful fruits. During today's half-hour-long evening meditation, Michelle, who was meditation-free and is not part of the 30-day trial group of masochists, decided to give us all a little test. We meditate downstairs in the TV room which is right next to the kitchen. For twenty of the thirty minutes, while trying to be as quiet as possible (during her mission of transferring the contents of the refrigerator to her stomach), she managed to make more noise than a hippopotamus eating contest. The results: while attempting to quell the furious impulses of righteousness (righteous anger that is), several contestants giggled and two received heartattacks. Auspicious beginning.

Of course, the real goal of this trial is to give everyone license to be little jerks, petty tyrants. By tomorrow, I have no doubt that the trial's high nobility will regress into a competition of who can say the ugliest truth about someone else, as bitterly and offensively as possible, and who can withstand a psychological seige the longest. By the end of the 30 days we'll probably be missing a number of limbs and at least three sanities.

More great Chinese example phrases:

逗 死 人 了! 是 你 太 笨 吧! 可以 想象 你 摔 倒 时 的 样子!
That's funny as hell! It must be because you are so dumb! I can just imagine your face when you fell down.