Testing...Testing...Yep, Title Works

I recently had an interview with Microsoft in Shanghai for a summer internship. I already did this once before with Microsoft, in 2007, but that time I was interning as a developer, and in California (The US one). This time I was interviewing for a testing position. Testing also involves coding, but mostly to try to break things as opposed to building them. Doesn't sound too bad if you put it that way, who doesn't like destruction and chaos? However, I can't say that testers get the same respect as even the lowest codemonkeys (developers). I had the naivete of telling my parents about this opportunity and they didn't hesitate to convey to me the extent of my betrayal of all that is good and holy. My sister is quickly catching on with the general sentiment.

These days, when I come down to the kitchen, I'm liable to hear:

"Hey tester, get me some coffee. On the double, you low-life!" or

"I have failed as a mother! How will I show my face on the street with a son who's a tester!?" or

"What do you think you're doing? Testers don't eat at the same table as people. I already put your food in the litter box, get out of here!"

During morning meditation, Gene intones "please God! Buddha, Jesus, Mary, Moses, Elysha, Julia, Krishna, Babaji, Papaji, Yogananda, Tolle, PLEASE help me learn to love testers like I love human beings!"

Michelle doesn't even need to know what a tester is. It has the word "test" in it, and that's enough to elicit disapproval (to put it lightly...where "lightly" is an understatement and "understatement" is a euphemism).

When I told my friend in China, I got some more encouragement:
Pei: ur a bad horrible evil little thing

Since I am on a 30-day trial of not getting frustrated at anything I have no choice but to find all of this hatred and prejudice infinitely amusing, and save my tears for when I retire for the night. I look forward to more entertainment/crucifixion tomorrow, when I declare that I've finally found my life's true purpose - it is of course none other than testing. I should stock up on anti-heartattack medicine tonight.

Chinese is still the most important resident on my schedule, and my dictionary still hasn't ceased to amaze me. The example sentences for the words are waaaaay out there. Let's play a game. I will give you the example, and you guess what word that sentence is an example for. When you think you know, highlight the lines below the example to see the answer.

他殷勤地侍候她。
He danced attendance on her.
她喜欢仆人前呼後拥地侍候她.
She loves to have servants dance attendance (up) on her.

Answer: to attend on - 侍

尸体躺在血泊中.
The body was lying in a pool of blood.

Answer: to lie down - 躺

他善於随机应变, 总能摆脱追踪他的人.
Thanks to agile footwork he always managed to escape his pursuers.

Answer: to take off (clothes) - 脱

闭上你的嘴, 没人要你说话!
Shut your mouth, nobody asked you!

Answer: 嘴- mouth

And lastly, an easy one:

有人听见他在呻吟.
He was heard to groan.

Answer: to groan - 呻吟

That last one was out of a Chinese tabloid. Here is the rough translation:

Breaking news! The rising pop sensation Jay Chou has been heard to groan. Yes, yet again, a star falls from his pedestal. Mr. Chou has currently been isolated in Nanjing hospital. After the 1977 country-wide groaning epidemic, we can't afford to take any risks. For further information, see how one contracts "groaning" (not for the faint of heart).

Apparently groaning is a rare disease in China, like sanity is in my family.