Slitting Wrists and Other Hobbies

After yesterday's viewing of Run Fatboy Run, Mario and I were inspired. This morning we headed over (drove) to his aunt's house and ate about sixteen pounds of food a piece. After that motivation session, we feel ready to run a marathon. We have all the requisite characteristics - we're weak, out of shape, and now we're fat. Armed with these superpowers, we will run not one, but two marathons! One for Mario and one for me. The date is Friday, and we've told everyone we know that we're doing it to ensure the most happiness in the event of failure.

Like every year around this time, the world is beset with nagging but unanswerable questions, most of them having to do with Kwanza, such as:

What in the world IS Kwanza?
Is it spelled with a K or a Q? Or perhaps both? Qkwanza? Kqwanza?
What group of people is responsible for K(Q)wanza's existence and what does the event commemorate?
How many candles should there be on the eighth night of Kwanza?

Ok, I will answer some of these, though I guarantee no amount of truth.

First of all, you uncultured ignoramuses (this is the 'you' that no longer includes 'me'), Kwanza is actually spelled Kwanzaa, or so is the humble opinion of Wikipedia. It's a week long, so if we take length as a measure of importance, it's somewhere between Christmas and Hanukkah but closer to the latter. It's celebrated by lighting a candle, which explains why Kwanzaa subscribers are impossible to recognize in the sea of minorahs and Christmas lights.

Umm...ok that's enough for this year. Next year, we'll learn who celebrates Kwanzaa and what they're actually celebrating.

Speaking of depression, Leaving Las Vegas. Do NOT see this movie. It might put your life in perspective, and that's the last thing anyone wants.