Adventure Relay

Morning meditation:

I did the same meditation this morning as yesterday, so not too many details are available for retrieval from my long-term memory. I do remember having a plate of light attached to my head at some point, which was pretty cool. It was maybe 5 feet wide, looked like a small UFO, and had a boredom-canceling force field. Hmm...I'll try to remember more things tomorrow, this is crap.

Today was a day of small adventures.

First, I went to see my physician. Let me tell about this woman. She is a miracle. You come to her with your problems - flu, AIDS, an amputated leg (what haven't I had?). She invariably tells you to open your mouth and say "ahh." You do so. Then she rolls her eyes, smiles, and tells you to stop pretending, you're as healthy as a...a healthy person (isn't there some expression for this?). And curiously, as soon as she utters those magic words, you feel cured. "Wow," you think, "my leg doesn't feel amputated at all anymore! And maybe I didn't go to that Free Love party and share a needle with that girl who shared it with everyone else first. And my nose is no longer stuffed!" And then you go home and hit your head against every wall, because doing that doesn't hurt anymore either.

Anyway, last time I visited my physician was three years ago, and for the first time, she broke protocol. A few months before that, one of the lymph glands on my neck decided to upgrade its space requirements, and enjoyed the new freedom so much that it never shrunk back down. My physician fondled it and decreed that I should go try some antibiotics, and that if those didn't bring it down, I should go get a biopsy. I did the first part as she said, but the antibiotics changed nothing. Then I decided to wait three years to see what would happen.

Scroll down to today. Since my rebellious lymph node still hadn't subsided, I figured I'd go get that biopsy, but decided to give wonderwoman a chance to redeem herself. And this time she didn't let me down. As soon as I stepped foot in her office, my lymph node became a figment of an overactive imagination, and disappeared. I got sent home immediately, with orders not to be an idiot and get biopsies for imaginary swellings. See? Good things come to those who wait. Either that or metastasis. Can't remember.

On the way back, I stopped at ShopRite to get some groceries. ...Eh, never mind. Short version: someone stole one of the five boxes of Coco Puffs I had in my cart, before it was even my turn at the cashier's. What kind of a lame crime is that? They could have at least waited until I paid it for it.

Then blah happened for a bit...nope, a bit longer than that...

And then I visited Grandma. Oof. Grandma has an even worse opinion of my memory abilities than I do. Every time I visit her - roughly twice a week - she'll tell me one new thing, and also every single thing she told me the week before. Her stories have no expiration date. Today she was feeling especially energetic, so I got to hear about everything I already know at least twice. She wouldn't stop talking even when I made the usual getting-ready-to-leave motions - stand up, put on my coat, get in the car and drive away. I paused for a couple of minutes between each two steps, but she kept on chattering from her rocking chair without so much as taking a breath. I'm pretty sure she knows circular breathing. Anyway, I guess she wasn't completely oblivious; she did increase her volume as I drove farther and farther away from her apartment.

Actually, now I remember that Boris managed to distract her for a moment a couple of times. The whole time I was making my escape, he was trying to nap on the couch while Grandma ran on. And then, when he finally succeeded and emitted a victorious snore, Grandma turned to him like usual and yelled "Boris! Go to your room and sleep!" Boris, taking this in stride, completely ignored her. Five minutes later, I heard his voice coming in to intercept one of Grandma's sentences. It was a "why?" or a "what?" or something...no, definitely a "what?" because Grandma instantly pounced on it with "What what!? Shut up and sleep!" Ah, gotta love mixed signals.

Gene: when I had scarlet fever as a kid, it was still considered a dangerous disease, so I was allowed to do ANYTHING I wanted. It was awesome.
Mark: cause they thought you might die?
Gene: yep. Though of course I had to stay in bed all day. And not move. And sleep 24/7. And I wasn't allowed to have any ice cream.
Mark: wow. Good thing I'm not allowed to do anything I want.