Frenching

I continued my French studies today, but from a different direction. I found a wonderful site with "French expressions they don't teach you in school." First of all, I have to acknowledge the truth value in their advertisement, I indeed knew none of the expressions. Then again just cause I didn't learn it doesn't mean they didn't teach it, in fact it probably means they taught it every day and I repressed it.

Anyway, like with every language, looking in as an outsider, everything seems funny. I'm sure French people giggle a little every time they say "it's raining cats and dogs." But from my persepective, they're a bunch of goofy little leprechauns based on their idioms.

The best way to learn these and simultaneously appreciate the humor value is to play it like a guessing game. For example, what do you think "C'est le pied!" (It's the foot!) means? When you give up, highlight the next few lines below to see the answer; it's in a white font so your peripheral vision doesn't ruin the fun.

That's great!

Apparently the French people have a very different opinion of what's great. An American might say "that's the tits!" (if he were in the right movie - specifically The Girl Next Door), and imply the same thing. The other options - "the cat's pajamas," "the bee's knees," the "the eel's ankle," "the elephant's
instep," "the snake's hip" make absolutely no sense in true American style.

"À boire ou je tue le chien!" (Bring me a drink or I kill the dog!)

Bring me a drink or I kill the dog!

Yea, that one's a little more obvious.

"Avoir les jetons" (To have the tokens)

To be scared

Go figure, French people must really love EZPass.

"Avoir le cul bordé de nouilles" (To have an ass full of noodles). Think about this one before you look, it's pretty transparent.

To be lucky

If you wake up in the morning and find noodles in your ass, you best praise the Lord they decided on noodles and not forks or refrigerators. I can't think of a situation where you'd feel luckier.

"Ça me fait une belle jambe" (That makes me a nice leg). Just think about having one nice leg and you'll understand.

A fat lot of good that does me!

Indeed, one nice leg and one ugly leg is probably even worse than two ugly ones. Especially if they differ across many parameters - hairiness, height, girth, color, shape, tatoo genre, number of toes, number of kneecaps, and leg personality traits like temperament and coquettishness. An prudish leg and a slutty leg make a dangerous pair.

And let's do an easy one to boost your self-esteem. "Ne pas avoir inventé la poudre" (Not to have invented gunpowder).

To be a little dumb

Well, I accept the compliment on behalf of the Chinese, along with the insult on behalf of the rest of the world. Good thing there's a lot of Chinese people.

Today was the second day of the 30-day trials. Success is of course at my side and seems like my friends are also doing well. Rock on. The hardest so far is drinking only water. Now, this may be cake for some people, but I haven't drank water by itself since 1964, and I was born in 1986 so this should tell you something. I usually drink ~6 cups of tea and ~3 cups of juice per day. The last two days I've been drinking 1-2 cups of water. This does not bode well; if I continue in this vein, I'll probably look like this:



After all, the average human body's around 70% water. Maybe I'll bring that statistic down to 69.99999999999999%...nah, let's save that for next month.

Let's see...what else... Ah yes, results just in. I asked Natasha today whether she would kill a puppy for a million dollars and immediately received an emphatic no and a cataract of tears spawned of well-imagined puppy murder. Doubtful, I offered her a scenario where the strangulation/throwing in river/lethal injection would be performed by a third party in faraway Kenya and all she would have to do is press a button. Suddenly, doubt and introspection were the main components of her constitution. Well, I guess everyone has their price. Except me of course. I wouldn't kill a puppy for the amount of the US National Debt (a hefty 10.6 trillion dollars) if it had previously chewed through my family tree all the way back to Charlemagne.