Monday, December 20, 2010

Cheese Rears Its Chinese Head

I've discovered a new superpower of Yuan Yuan's. I've done about 20 sanity checks during the last month and she's consistently displayed supernatural ability.

The ability is an uncanny one, I've never seen it before in a superhero movie. She can't control it, except for very short periods of time, and only with the help of cosmetic products.

Here it is:

Her scalp smells like Parmesan Cheese.

No joke. And not like "Eww, you smell like cheese, get away from me!" but rather "I wish I could shave your head and eat pasta off of it! And I'm sorry, but we can never kiss or so much as look each other in the eye again because I have to keep smelling your head."

When I first noticed it, I placed the smell as cheese but didn't question my senses further as that discovery was shocking enough. I was also getting high on the fumes, hyperventilating with my nose against her skull. Then as the weeks went by and her head consistently smelled that way, provided she didn't shower constantly, I began to search the cheese store in my memory. It hasn't been Quicksorted in forever so it took a while. Perhaps it was a new sort (of cheese)? I wondered. And then today I had a breakthrough, an epiphany, a moment of clarity: I now know without a doubt that it's Parmesan.

When I revealed my findings to the subject, there was an uproar akin to when Godel revealed the Incompleteness Theorems, or when Terry Pratchett proved the Earth was flat. Yuan Yuan wasn't at all sure if she liked that her head smelled like cheese. And by that I mean she was all too sure she didn't. I tried to explain to her that Parmesan wasn't just any cheese, that it was one of the most popular cheeses in the world, a king among cheeses, a cheese for kings, that if we were to ever make contact with intelligent life in the universe, our best bet was to offer them some Parmesan to show the nobility of our intentions. But Chinese people don't have that cheese-appreciation meme. Apparently learning to love cheese is like learning how to talk: you gotta do it when you're young, otherwise your brain grows into what scientists call the "cheese-ignorant" configuration.

Anyway, time to go take another a sniff. I haven't tried licking her scalp yet, but...wait a second...I think she's asleep!

The knot of the day is the Improved Clinch:


image borrowed from animatedknots.com

I've never met the original so I can't testify as to the magnitude of the improvement, but it's definitely an improvement from not tying a knot at all.

Yuan Yuan quote of the day:
"Can you cross the 4?"
I was taking some vocabulary notes for both of us and I write my fours like H's without the left leg. Yuan Yuan claims it's completely incomprehensible unless the middle bar at least crosses through the H's waistline.

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