First, we have the eighth wonder of the world: the Fieggen Shoelace Knot. It reminds me of the Strassen algorithm that involves only 7 multiplications instead of 8 when multiplying matrices, as both save work in procedures that already seem to be stretching the limits of simplicity and efficiency. The task that the Fieggen Shoelace Knot completes in a record low number of steps is tying bunny ears on your shoelaces.
image borrowed from animatedknots.com
The surprises don't end here. When I showed the knot to Yuan Yuan and asked if she usually did the bunny ears or the loop-the-loop, she said she did neither. She then showed me her way, which was some kind of twisted hybrid with a splash of blasphemy. The first step was the same as in the granny knot, but then she tied two successive slip knots instead of the double slip knot that is the bunny ears. The result looks like the bunny ears but has an extra level of depth. It's a bit bizarre, kind of like if one were to successfully eat using one chopstick at a time. Fearing for her life in case she were ever caught committing such atrocities in the US, I taught her Fieggen's chef d'oeuvre.
The second knot was the Alpine Butterfly:
image borrowed from animatedknots.com
It looks much better with the round rope they use than with the shoelaces I've been using, but even my sloppy version it elicited awe from the audience...
Mark: check this knot out, doesn't it look awesome? (holds out halfway decent attempt at the knot, eyes moistened with vulnerability and the need to be appreciated.)
Yuan Yuan (casually): not really.
Mark: aha! I knew you'd be impressed!
Actually, Yuan Yuan is pretty easily amused and/or impressed, which basically means this knot is garbage. Or maybe she's just feeling insecure about her stacked slip knot's status of coolarity.
The third was the Constrictor Knot:
image borrowed from animatedknots.com
This might be my favorite so far, from an aesthetic standpoint. It looks nice and it's delightfully constricting, which my finger would attest to if it knew sign language.
I'm already beginning to see a bright future ahead of me. Soon I'll be able to tie people up, tie them to poles, beds, cars, other people, hang them from places with flair and laugh snootily at people on the street when their groceries come flying out past granny's stacked half-hitches. Man...in 30 days I'm going to get the shit kicked out of me.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment